Reasons Why

Tomorrow, my best friend Darby Maloney and I will embark on the adventure of a lifetime. For the next four months, we will be teaching English to the children of Nanjing, China while exploring the amazing country and learning as much about their ancient culture as possible. Although the decision to join the International Language Program and set out on this trip was spur of the moment, I know that Heavenly Father had this in store for me long before 8 months ago. 

October 6, 2012 was an extremely historic day. At the LDS General Conference, the age for full-time missionaries was changed from 19 for boys and 21 for girls to 18 and 19. Through much excitement, I failed to recognize how much this would really affect my life. 

The summer after high school rolled around and my friends began to leave for all different parts of the world to serve the Lord. It was such a bittersweet time. Not only had the boys begun to disperse, but girls were turning in mission papers left and right. I was happy for them and started to question whether I should join them. 

Being at Brigham Young University for summer semester, I met many people.  And only at BYU would a “get to know you” question inquire about whether I would be serving a mission or not. It was a new question to which I did not know the answer. For a large portion of the semester, I answered with a simple “I don’t know”, which was the truth. I had no idea. Not liking being unsure, I began to seek out the Lord. I prayed, I fasted, and I got my answer. I was not supposed to go on a mission. 

I found joy in the fact that my search was complete and couldn’t wait for the next time I was asked the mission question- however, my experience was not so joyous. A boy in my geography class popped the question and I proudly responded “no”. His response was “why not”, accompanied with a face that resembled disgust and confusion. I could not fathom why he seemed so disappointed in me, but I moved on. In the next couple weeks, I received more confused faces, more questions of why not, and the good ole “oh” accompanied by an awkward silence, as if I was unworthy to serve and that was the only explanation to my decision. From that point on, I responded,  “I don’t know” in order to avoid the varied yet similar reactions. 

I felt the pressure more than ever, but never changed my decision. I was told I would be a better mother, a better wife, and an altogether better person if I went, making me feel I could not be those things if I didn’t. 

I stayed strong and followed the will of the Lord. It was hard having my best friends and my cousins (all girls) leave. In all honesty, I felt really alone. 

Things all changed when my good friend, Sam Oslund, returned home from the same trip I will be going on. I immediately felt a want and a need to follow in her footsteps. 

Maybe it was the adventure and travel aspect that caught my interest. Maybe the idea of not having to go back to school is what really enticed me. I believe that although those did contribute, it was so much more than that. 

Now, I knew that I was not meant to go on a mission, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have the desire to serve. China offered me a chance to do just that. Being the restricting country that it is, I cannot proselyte. I can’t share the wonderful gospel with these people that I will come to love. I can’t influence their lives for the better with anything but my example, and I plan to do just that. I will share the light of Christ through my demeanor, attitude, and passion to do what’s right. 

I am so eager to set foot in this foreign land and explore the world and I hope that you will follow along with my blog and explore right along with me!

-Taylor Janae